and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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