I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
