I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
