I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
