I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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