can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
