I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
