don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
