I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
