i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
