she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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