after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize