My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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