had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
