bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
