Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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