I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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