We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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