wakey wakey hands off snakey
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
