She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
