I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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