so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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