Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
