I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am spending my child support on dildos
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
