did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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