and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
