Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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