Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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