something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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