I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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