Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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