My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
