Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
