New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
