A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
