nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wow bdsm is so cute
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
