I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
