why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
