i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
