You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
