Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
