He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
