So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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