I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
