how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
