He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
