I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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