You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
