how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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