Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
