ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
