Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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