I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
