State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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