you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
