Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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