i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
