soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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