carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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