I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
