I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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