I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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