end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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