just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
