Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
