It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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