Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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