wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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