I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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