Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
