K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
